Wrong Side Of Confidence

Wednesday, June 05, 2024

[Disclaimer; In this story I describe a state of disillusionment with a certain industry inside an ongoing struggle with mental paralysis, referred to here as procrastination. You may see yourself in this story, and that could lead to a level of stress that you need to be prepared for.]

Preface: Bogged Down By Old Habits

I did not go to Playa Sababa this morning. Why not? Because old habits have like a snowball effect once you get them rolling. Here’s what happened (Stick with me on this, because a snowball is about to roll, and it’ll get bigger and bigger as it goes along):

Last night, after my most productive day in a long time, I sat down at the computer with a quickly made supper. My plan was to have a light meal while watching something on a streaming TV channel, then go back to writing a short article, and doing some reading before going to bed.

That was the plan. Here is what happened:

I found a reality show called “Tough As Nails” and did not think I would relate to it. Unfortunately, I did relate to the stories of the contestants, and I did appreciate what they did in the competitions. I binge-watched the whole first season until four in the morning (0400, 4:00 AM).

I do not believe reality TV is an addiction. I do not suffer withdrawal symptoms when I don’t watch TV at all. However, watching TV is an old habit that is hard to stop, even while I am fully aware of how harmful it can be. This time, this old habit led to me wasting the whole day today.

Time Doesn’t Fly,  Life Slips Under You When You’re Not Looking

At 4 am, I went to bed. I told myself that I would nap for a couple hours, go to the beach, come home and do some work, go bowling (I like to go bowling on Wednesdays when the lanes open early.) come home and do more work, then get me ready for a telephone interview about coaching.

About the coaching interview, I was not really expecting to get much out of it. Here’s how it became arranged: There’s a program called Simpleology that I have been a member of for more than a dozen years. It’s sort of a self-coaching program with several courses you can take to increase your effectiveness in your life and in your business. Simpleology runs a membership website, and every so often they update it with new features. Every time they update their website, they send me an email to update my membership. It does not cost anything to update my membership, however there is always a sales pitch to upgrade and that would cost. I always decline the upgrade.

Simpleology sent me an email to update my membership last week. When I signed into my members area, there was a form to fill out. I did not read the fine print, if there was any, and figured this form was part of updating my information so I could use the new features. Midway through the form, it became clear that this was like an application for some service that was not included in the Simpleology membership – coaching. I finished filling out the form, and I figured, based on how I answered the questions, that nobody would contact me after that.

I was wrong. On Monday, a fellow called me, and we set an appointment for an interview for 4:00 pm today. I did not expect the interview to get anywhere, but I had made an agreement, so I was bound by my word to be near my telephone at 4:00 PM.

Scheduling My Day

Since I went to bed at 4 am, I knew there would have to be some changes to my schedule. I woke up at 9 am, and that is when my old unwanted companion, procrastination, showed up. I wanted to go to the beach, but I didn’t want to go. That’s how procrastination toys with your head. You never know what you want to do or don’t want to do, and you end up doing nothing. So at 9 in the morning it was too late to go to the beach because I had other things I had to do before noon, when I wanted to go bowling.

And just what did I have to do that was so important I couldn’t spend an hour at Playa Sababa? You know what, it’s not even important, because I ended up not doing it. Instead I checked email and social media websites for added reasons to procrastinate.

One email was from an online marketing outfit called Dash Nex, which I have been a very inactive member of for ten years. Suddenly this year, they introduced a program -Launchpad – that promised to be a money maker for those who joined this year. I joined in March, and the internal mechanisms appear to be working as they said they would. Being able to make money with the program relies on some features that are scheduled to be added this month. So when the email came this morning I was very interested to learn how I could start making money. In the email, the owner and CEO of Dashnex promised there would be news at his webinar which was starting in an hour.

A flash webinar for members – I had to attend that. It would begin at noon, when I had planned to go bowling. “Well,” I thought, “maybe I can go bowling after the webinar.”

The webinar began at 12 noon, and ended more than an hour later. I stayed through the whole thing expecting an important announcement at the end. You want to know what the special announcement was? It was a pitch to sell more of what I already bought. And no way was I going to buy any more before I begin to see some income from what I already had. I left this webinar with nothing more than I already had before it. Well, that’s not accurate. I had a little better understanding of the system I was a member of. And I had a new suspicion that this new program on Dash Nex was a con job in which the owner and CEO would hint that we were almost ready for the new phase, where the money making begins, but always deliver the same webinar to offer members more positions to make more money once the system is launched. But will the system ever be launched? And if it is launched, are there going to be more webinars about how we can only make money if we buy certain new features?

At 1:30 pm, I asked myself, “Should I go bowling now?” But I was already infected with procrastination, which would naturally lead me to wait. I looked at more email and social media, and took a short nap. When I woke up, I got my notepad and a pen ready for the telephone interview. Maybe I would go bowling, or maybe to the beach after the interview.

When four-o’clock came and went without a telephone call, I figured I did not qualify for their services and they moved on.

But, at 4:15, while I was preparing to go someplace – not the beach, and not the bowling alley – wouldn’t you know it, the phone rang. It was the interview guy. He was cordial and we exchanged niceties for a few minutes. Then, less than 10 minutes into the conversation, seeing as how I was in no position to buy anything from him, he cordially mentioned some other phone calls he had to make, and we said good-by.

The Wrong Side Of Confidence

The day was not a complete waste, because I learned something from it. Before I was able to realize what I had learned, I had more procrastinating to do. I did not go anywhere outside. Instead I stayed inside, looking at emails, social media, and a little television, but not the reality show.

Procrastination is a killer. And I have to neutralize it before it kills me. So today I made a decision that should help me chip away at this disease we call procrastination. You see, I have been meddling in online marketing for over 20 years, and I have not made any money at it. For over 20 years I have listened to other online marketers, copywriters, softwear developers, and self-development and performance specialists and I have followed them, and I have done the things they have advised, and I didn’t make money.

Results matter, and so does the process of getting results. For more than twenty years, online marketers and self-help gurus all gained my trust and confidence because I knew they, themselves, were highly effective at making money. But what if all their money came from people like me, who believed them, trusted them, and bought their products and services but never actually improved their own lives? I am certain that each and every marketing guru, and every self-help guru that has me on their email list has actually helped some people. I don’t how many of their thousands of fans actually did improve their lives. In my case, they may have gained my confidence, but today, just now, they have all lost it.

That’s a downer. For more than 20 years I have been listening to and following the instructions of gurus in online marketing and self-development, and I am just now discovering that nothing has come of it.

So, no more spontaneous webinars to disrupt my plans, and no more interviews, and no more courses in online marketing. For now on, I have to go it alone, the same I have gone just about everything in my life alone, and try to make money from doing what I want to do. I aim to write things I have long wanted to write, and I will somehow find readers who read what I write. I may not make the millions the gurus have promised. I may make no money at all. At least I will have accomplished something – writings – rewarded or not, and life will not be a total waste.

Better Yourself, Lead Others

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